Resilience
Assignment Part 1
Identify at least six
concepts (using both readings and the video) where you agree or disagree. Write about each of your six selected
concepts – why do you agree or disagree? Provide examples from your own life to
support your position?
Although I’ve always known the definition of resilience, I
never really put much thought into the topic; or, what a valuable trait it is
to have throughout life. In reading the
article, “Weathering the Storm,”[1]
I immediately was drawn to the story of Philip Schultz. Schultz grew up with
few privileges and many adversities. He
became a poet; and, failure was what he used to draw his amazing work
from. I was most likely drawn to Schultz
because he is poet whose clay was one specific element – failure. I am a closet poet. My clay is love. I imagine that, initially, Schultz didn’t
even realize that he focused his poems around failure. I’ve written poetry for years; and, until I
started saving them into a portfolio and finally read my work, I didn’t know I
primarily wrote about love. More importantly, when my marriage failed, my
once truly happy and optimistic poems changed to disheartened, hopeless
feelings of love.
I have experienced failure throughout life, even failed a few
tests. I’ve lost at things, I’ve been
overlooked plenty of times; but, my failed marriage was my very first
experience with a life-changing failure.
In the same article (Weathering
the Storm), failure is also looked at as a mixed blessing. Five years ago, I couldn’t see it that
way. Today, however, I completely relate
to that theory and support it.
“If you don’t get the kind
of information failure provides, you’ll end up with unrealisticexpectations for yourself, explains Haidt. You could wind up in a position where failure,
which has gathered under cover of darkness, reveals itself all at once.”
I wish I
knew then what I know now. If I could
change anything about my life, it would be more exposure to failure earlier in
life. My divorce, which was my trauma,
left me alone with four children to raise.
The feelings of guilt, humiliation, and shame were drowning the once,
optimistic, loving person I was. The
article also describes the difference between guilt and shame.
“Guilt
occurs when you chalk up a failure to something you did. Shame is present when you
attribute failure to something you are.”
I struggled
with both! I’d like to think I’m not
alone; and, that other people struggle with the same feelings. What happened next, for me, was most
profound. The horrible failure that I
had experienced also sparked some important changes in my life. The changes were not obvious for about five
years. What I began to realize is that even though I felt so horrible, I did
learn some lessons and began doing things differently. For example, the initial shock that someone
you love can be dishonest and deceitful was gone. I now know that trust is precious and can be
lost over foolishness. I’ve spent many
hours thinking about my own actions and how I could do things differently as I
move forward. Controlling my emotions
was the most challenging part of my failure and is the area, which I have
focused most on. I agreed with the
following statement from the article:
“Failing better boils down to three things. It’s a matter of controlling our emotions,
adjusting our thinking, and recalibrating our beliefs about ourselves and what
we can do in the world.”
Recently, after years of no
contact, I spoke with my ex-husband. He apologized; and, I accepted that
apology. What mattered most to me was
that I truly did accept the apology. I
went on to tell him how much I had grown from what happened between us. Although, I wished it didn’t happen, if it
weren’t for that breakdown, I wouldn’t have learned what I did and couldn’t
have become a better person.
What scared me most from the
reading assignment was in the article, “Resilience: Parent Information Handout.” The fact that children imitate the thinking
habits of adults around them makes me cringe.
Have I set a good example for my kids?
Have I modeled resilient thinking?
More importantly, how can my children learn to be resilient at a young
age?
I related to the section about the “Always/Not
Always” thinking habit[2]. I hear my children use the words, “I never”
or “I always.” When they lose at a game,
the first words I hear are “I never win.”
When one of the children gets something new, the others say, “I never get
anything new.” When I hear these things,
I point out the facts. According to the
article, that is a good thing. Kids don’t
always remember that they got new sneakers two weeks ago or that they are
playing a game against an older sibling; but, their attitude turns around when
they take a closer look at the situation.
Two of the seven abilities
associated with resilience have been most challenging for me throughout my
life. Just, now, I am making
improvements in 1) being in charge of my emotions and 2) controlling my
impulses. If I can help my children
focus on these two areas, I believe they will be better prepared to handle
failures and be resilient.
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